The training wheels are off! As of today, I am moving this website to a proper host and domain. Let me introduce www.euphoricrage.com

The design sucks, and I haven't figured out a way to transfer over comments, but other then that the site is ready to roll! Update your bookmarks, and spread the word. 

The result? A really cool picture.

(Bonus hilarity points for the helicopter in the background ruining the entire shot)

• Right now I'm listening to "Jump on It" by Sir Mix-a-lot. This will be the fourth time I have heard it in a row. It sucks horribly, but I cannot get it out of my head. The entire song consists of Sir Mix-a-lot (I doubt he is a real knight) yelling the names of random cities and telling them to 'jump on it.' It would be interesting to figure out what 'it' exactly is, but I doubt we will ever know.
• Horror movies. It is a scientifically accepted fact that 99% of horror movies suck completely. They usually arn't scary, have absolutely no plot, and the acting resembles something I could pull off with stick puppets. That being said, crappy horror movies are one of the greatest forms of entertainment availiable to man. I offer Frankenfish as an example.

• The Internet. I am convinced the internet can be broken into three equal segments: Porn, Absolute Crap, and everything else. MySpace, Livejournal, and the rest of their seemingly endless clones shit up the internet with horrible design and provide a platform for idiot teens to talk about cutting themselves. Frankly, it makes the rest of us teenagers look bad. But without the bad sections of the internet, not nearly as much creative content would be made just to make fun of it. So it's a net win for us.

Easily one of the best (and funniest) comics ever drawn, I will make great use of this archive. I am (along with some other people) working on an easy way to download all of the images, so keep an eye out for that.

EUREKA, MO—Pope Benedict XVI returned to Rome today following a historic, three-day trip to Six Flags St. Louis, the first official papal visit to a major American theme park since Pope Paul VI's Thanksgiving Mass at Wet 'n Wild in August 1966.

"My friends in Christ, as we stand together today among this unusually large weekday crowd, I urge you and your children to exercise the twin virtues of faith and patience, for unto those who wait will come great rewards and monstrous thrills," the pontiff told those in line for the Screamin' Eagle roller coaster.

I am forever reminded of just how much I love The Onion.

Our state is getting national attention this week, as crazy SS officer turned farmer Ted Junker prepares to open a monument to Hitler in his shed.

"When you know Hitler, he is the greatest guy ever existed. But I don't can change the minds of the people. But what he did-he was the greatest leader ever."

Oh My.

UPDATE:

I read a little more into this and I found out:

• The monument is only 15 minutes from my house!
• He plans to have a grand opening on June 25. If it doesn't get cancelled with all this press, I might have to scoop in and get some pictures. I will claim I am a reporter or something. Hurrah for Investigative Blogging.

I HATE MYSPACE.

It isn't a truly rational hate. MySpace, as it is designed, is a site that simply makes it easier to connect with friends on a scale which has never before been seen in society. It has never been so easy to stay connected with friends, particularly those who live far away. It's a great concept on paper, and it certainly has been a raving sucess.

But it sucks.

Myspace has become the model of what is wrong with the internet. The problem lies not with the creators of MySpace themselves, but with the users who populate the site. MySpace has become a popularity contest, a den of idiotic ideas, and altogether a horrible site to visit for any reason. The friends system has lead to the idea that "More friends=more popularity" and spam and random messages are not uncommon. The open design element means that wonderful white on yellow designs are possible, and the site lacks any sort of uniformity.

-End Rant.

This is exciting new for me, because, as many of you know, I am seriously considering a career as a professional advice giver. Many people in our troubled world have problems too numerous to count, I will endeavor to make as much money as humanly possible from them by giving half-hearted, inspirational advice. Even people who believe they live perfectly normal and happy lives will have need of my great advice, which I will then publish into book form and make millions telling rich people how to be "motivated" or something.

What sort of advice will I give? I'm glad you (well, me) asked. I have come up with a series of six pillars upon which a great life is built which I will gratefully share for a nominal fee. I also will name the five doors to success,the three opportunities for greatness, the fourteen habits of proactivity, the twenty-seven walls of motivation, and the seven lampposts of uh… light.

 This is an exiciting time for me, and I hope we can all work together to make me filthly rich.

The free song is You're Pitiful a parody of Jame Blunts You're Beautiful. It is quite enjoyable. To get it, select one of the links below, right click, and choose "Save Target As" from the menu. Enjoy. You can download it here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, or here.

P.S – Adam I think you might have legal grounds to sue Weird Al over this song. Certainly it couldn't be a coincidence it applies to your life so perfectly?